“I don’t even know how to mourn” – Austa’s brother breaks silence after her boyfriend Killaboi st@bbed her to death

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know why I, as a human being, desire so much solitude, to extents my relationship with family is basically surface level. The day she went missing, she sent me a video in the morning like she always did, I saw it, I couldn’t just reply.”

“My sister was beautiful, she was amazing, from a little girl, she was so sanguine about the way she lived, always beaming with a smile, always so caring, always there, the direct opposite of the man that I am. Even in our childhood pictures, the difference was always there, she was the one thing in life I never worried about, I was always so sure, she’d grow up to have this amazing life in the limelight. She always wanted to be an actress, when she couldn’t she tried to be an Instagram influencer. I remember we used to go to yaba”.

“and find good bargains she could piece together to create SM contents. It was amazing how she turned pennies we had to this amazing pictures, she was such a good dresser. It waned over time but she was a beautiful dresser. I was so certain if anyone was going to flop in life it was definitely going to be me. Always asked myself what could go wrong for her in life, and always came up with nothing. I keep wondering if I could butterfly the time line if I had just once, fixed my head, and text her once in my pathetic existence.”

“I’m still here, still damned, I don’t know what to do, I don’t even know what I’m saying or why. I’m still wondering why I’m telling thousands of people personal details about my life, even when I see them as binaries in a simulation. But I guess my heart is broken and I needed to talk, and I have no one. Not one person in my life I could talk to about my torment. Even now I can’t let go of my narcissism, I don’t know if this was even an eulogy as I’ve made it primarily about myself, it’s now become a eulogy of misery and regret.”

“I wish I could go back in time, I wish I could call her more, treat her as a friend, I wish I could’ve taken her place, I wish I could’ve told her to run, I wish I could’ve been there for her. The last time I cried was when I was 14, and now I don’t even know if I cry correctly.”

“I’m lost. I’m broken. I wish I can see her face again, one last time, to tell her how beautiful she is, like I’ve told her a thousand times before. I have just 4 things I hold unto in life; one died, one abandoned me, my only sister is gone and I don’t know how to mourn.”

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